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FEATURES Aug 23 2013 10:01AM

Bringing the Flame Back into Your Relationship

by Shirley Kali Johnson
Wholistic Lifestylist +Healer + Yoga Teacher, Soulistic Wellness

Remember that feeling you had when you first met your boo? 
When I first meet someone I like, it feels my birthday each day I am with them.  I want to look pretty, I am so excited to see them, and I cannot stop smiling.  You know that feeling?  It’s like when you guys can’t keep your hands off each other and want to kiss all the time.  Fast forward a couple of months, and it can be easy to walk around in sweatpants, not show any affection, and stop being curious.  It’s when the relationship becomes more of a habit and obligation, rather than a process of discovering and enjoying each other.  That can be when we feel bored and tired in our relationship, and subsequently unfulfilled.  Being fulfilled in a relationship calls for both people to be committed and recommitted when the passion dies down.  Check out 5 ways to recommit and bring the flame back into your relationship.
  1. Get Out of the House:  Schedule times and dates to spend outside of the house.  Have a plan for something outside the house to do together everything the week, whether it is going to the movies, having a drink together, or going for a weekend getaway.  By creating designated time together, you both have something to look forward to that can spark excitement and a sense of adventure.  Treat that time as sacred, and make sure to do what you need to do to feel your best during it.
  2. Ask Questions:  Guess what?  You don’t know everything about your boyfriend or girlfriend.  When we think we know our boo like the back of our hand, we forget that we are each constantly growing, learning and developing.  People change!  Ask your partner questions, and be curious about their answers.  Listen to your boo, and allow them to tell you about themselves.
  3. Learn Something New Together:  New beginnings bring both people into a vulnerable state, and also help to build a sense of togetherness.  Immerse yourself into a new activity together in order to strengthen your bond.  Take a cooking class together, train for a marathon together, volunteer at the park together, take surfing classes together, and enjoy starting over.  When we start over, we often have to let go and trust.  So let go of the seriousness, and allow yourself the openness and fun to try something new.
  4. Be Kind:  That’s right, you get more bees with honey than you do with vinegar.  If you are being mean to your partner or taking your partner for granted, most likely you are not being nice to them.  Be generous with compliments and expressions of kindness.  Kindness is like a boomerang, and when we give it, we are sure to receive it.  The more kindness you can cultivate in a relationship, the more attraction and loyalty your build.
  5. No Electronics in the Bedroom:  Step away from the Facebook!  Turn off your cell phone!  No work in the bedroom!  Let the bedroom be a place for ONLY sleep and intimacy.  By bringing our work and cell phones, and computers into the bed, it sends a message that our relationship is not as important as other parts of our life.  Re-establish purpose in your bond and don’t let anything interfere with your relationship’s intimacy and passion.


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